It was difficult growing up a gay Filipino American child in the Midwest during the Vietnam War, far from other Filipino Americans and a more progressive bastion of ideas that would be more accepting of either gay people or people of Asian descent. It seemed like there was always a sense of isolation for me, like I was always hiding who I really was.

I remember one kid who hated me because his dad died during the Vietnam War. Of course, I didn’t have anything to do with it, but he saw me as an enemy just because I was of Asian descent. It not only made me feel different, but that I was a bad person, too. At the same time, I knew from a very early age that I was gay. I didn’t really know what that meant when I was younger, but, the messages I got was that it was another thing that made me different. A teacher called me a “fag” in front of the entire class one day because I was shy and sensitive. The entire class laughed and taunted me. I felt alone.

I’m not saying that my entire childhood had one dark cloud over it, but I learned to be guarded and tried to suppress who I was. People seemed to dislike me because I was Asian American and because I was gay and I was resolute to make people think I was neither of these things.

But, as I grew up and as the times changed, I realized that people came in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. Being “different” wasn’t a curse, but a blessing. It’s what makes us special as human beings. I began to realize that I could not deny who I was anymore. I was a gay Filipino American. And, I eventually came out of the closet on both fronts.

I remember being terrified to tell my parents that I was gay. My mom was the first parent I told and, at first, she had a hard time with it. She didn’t want anybody else to know. But, one day, she told my grandmother (my Lola) and my grandmother’s response was, “I know…I know about this because I watch Oprah and Donahue and, whatever you do, you must always love your son…no matter who he is.” This was a turning point for my mom and I learned that people, not being afraid of who they are and being visible in the media, are who taught my grandmother a message about love and respect.

I’m currently not seeing anybody romantically right now, but the issue of marriage equality is an important one to me. I know that, one day, my mom would love me to settle down with somebody I love. And, given the adversity I had to overcome as a child, where I had to suppress everything I was, I want to live in a world that treats me with dignity. I want the same kind of rights that my sister has being married to her husband if I ever choose to get married. In May 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled on the side of fairness by granting same-sex couples the right to marry and lesbian and gay couples all over the state celebrated. But, a specter looms out there in the form of proposition 8 that threatens to take away these rights and make lesbian and gay people unequal in the eyes of the law. And, so, I will continue to be one of those people who will not be afraid of who I am or what I think is fair so that I can teach, like my grandmother was taught, a message about love and respect.