"Family portraits are a big deal in Jennifer Lin's family. When her sister Sophia was getting married in 2002, they didn't include her partner Jeanne Fong in the picture. Jeanne and Jennifer had been together for a decade." It hurt a little but we didn't want to confront anyone," says Jeanne sitting in their sun-dappled Berkeley home, surrounded by family photos, while their Persian cats Shane and Paris napped in the afternoon sun.

This year the couple went east for another wedding - this time it was Jennifer's brother. As they headed to the banquet room for the mandatory family portrait, Jennifer's mother suddenly asked Jeanne to wait. She reached into her handbag, pulled out a gold heirloom necklace and put it around Jeanne's neck. "My mother brought jewelry for all her daughters," says Jennifer. "And she carries it around in her purse!" "It meant a great deal," says Jeanne softly.

"In my family if you are part of the family portrait, you are part of the family," says Jennifer. It's been a long journey for Jennifer's family. Even after she'd come out to her family, her mother would pass her phone number on to single Chinese men, usually doctors, who'd call her up. Jennifer says her parents are traditional Taiwanese immigrants, who'd settled in Ohio and raised their five children there. Her father, a doctor, hoped his children would follow in his footsteps.

Her mother hoped they would marry someone Chinese. "I am the only one of my siblings who married someone Chinese," laughs Jennifer. Jennifer and Jeanne got married on 8.08.08 surrounded by family and friends. They wore matching white wedding dresses." It was difficult in the beginning for my parents," admits Jennifer's sister Sophia. "But I think time passing helps acceptance. My parents are in their 80s. They just want their kids to be happy, to see them in relationships."

"I couldn't have done it without my siblings," says Jennifer. "Sometimes I think they like Jeanne better than me. When my brother gave us money for a plasma TV for a house warming gift, he gave the check to Jeanne!" Jeanne laughs. For her, the embrace of Jennifer's family is bittersweet. Jeanne, a native Californian, came out to her family when she was 18. Now almost four decades later, she says her family still has a difficult time.

They are gracious to Jennifer, including her in Thanksgiving dinners, packing leftovers for them, asking after her. But they balk at something as public as marriage. When she told her mother she was marrying Jennifer, her mother said nothing but looked away. When they decided to attend a rally in Sacramento to support marriage rights for gays and lesbians, her mother sighed and said "Why do you have to be so public?"

On the other hand at another rally Jennifer's teenaged nephew and niece flew out from Ohio with handmade signs saying "Family is family no matter what." "My mother is embarrassed," says Jeanne. "As a result I've always compartmentalized my life. There's my life with my closeted family, there are the friends I am out to, there are my work colleagues."

But now she realizes that even in her family, there are unexpected corners of support. On the same trip east for Jennifer's brother's wedding, Jeanne met her aunt. They hadn't seen each other for over 15 years since her father's funeral because Jeanne was tired of avoiding questions about marriage.

But she didn't know her mother had told her aunt she was a lesbian when her aunt had asked who Jennifer was at the funeral. "She gave us such a warm welcome," says Jeanne. "Then my cousin said she'd told her 'Life is short. Good for Jeanne. I'm glad she found her happiness!' I just wish I'd known that 15 years ago."

"I understand the fear because I've had the rejection," says Jeanne. "But I wish more Asian couples would do it, get married, come out to their parents. It would help." "I can't imagine a family portrait now without Jeanne," says Sophia." I've been very lucky," says Jennifer. "I shouldn't be the only lucky one." Sandip Roy is an editor and radio host at New America Media.

This story was produced as part of New America Media's public education campaign around marriage among gays and lesbians in Asian, Hispanic and African American communities.